​The Blues

I’ve been in Hyderabad for 3 months now. 3 months? Wow. I can’t believe it myself. Time, be thou my friend.

Hmm…I don’t know what to write about now. The still-prevailing caste prejudice, which has disguised itself rather cleverly? The ignorance of (, India aside,) the world on the achievements of Paralympians? or on a more selfish note, my own strangeness at school?

Let’s talk about animals!

I’ve been planning to volunteer at the Blue Cross here in Hyderabad…It’s just so exciting! Mom won’t buy me a dog, for reasons I know but refuse to understand.

But planning began a few months ago…much before we even knew we were coming back to India for good. Staying in Saudi, I did yearn for a pet dog as much as I do here, but in a moment of intelligence remembered that I had my holidays to enjoy in…Something fun and productive at the same time- volunteering at the Blue Cross. So I researched, and googled, and almost nearly applied…but then held myself back, “Wait till the tickets are booked”, I said to myself.

But things weren’t meant to be a smooth ride as such. After all, life is a loop the loop rollercoaster…hehe…that brings back memories from my trip to Jeddah…I’ll tell you (who I know are no one, for now, :p ) about that some other day. Mom’s contract wasn’t renewed, and we had to come back to Hyderabad.

Though my mind’s still cluttered and arranging all the remnants of relocation, I’ve reached a stage when I’m comfortable even in the mess. A manageable mess, that can be cleared up bit by bit, day by day. Hopefully, by the end of Dusshera holidays, I should be set.

I keep asking Mom to get a dog. I want one! I told her, that if she did, I’d leave all social media, except WordPress, of course, cause WordPress isn’t addictive, especially on the (about) 7-year-old laptop…and Quora….IF she bought me a dog.

Unconditional love from a little puppy is all I need right now.

We can go out for a morning run, we can play once I’m done with tuition, and she/he’ll know exactly what to whine when I’m whining.

Feel good to be wanted.

Which reminds me, I have a weird sort of crush on this guy. He has a goatee, because of which Mom and Bunny nicknamed him ‘The Goatee Guy’. I have a molecule-size crush on him and try my best not to look at him at all.

When I see him

The weird thing is that I have a crush on him only when I see him. So the remaining 6 days of the week I don’t have a crush on him or on anyone. Besides, I don’t even know him. Eye candy. Just so distracting to look at. But, he’s at least 4 years elder than me, and I’m certain I’m not the first person who’s had a crush on him. Anyway, no crushes otherwise, which is a new thing for me…I’ve been having crushes since 2nd grade.

And it feels good to be wanted. Because dogs are different from people. They don’t know you one day and then ignore you the next. They don’t make you nervous about what they think about you. They’re very expressive, and bank on your expressiveness because they love you. REALLY love you. A lot.

God! I’m sleepy now.

 

Ttyl, ta-ta for now!

 

Fed up. And brimming with anger.

Hello there everyone!

I remember writing a page on my birthday, also in anger, but WordPress begs to differ (grrr). I’m quite mad right now…and one more problem with this computer, and it gets trashed.

Okay, so the page I wrote earlier said I’d write every weekend…but I don’t really have the time or energy to do that. So, let’s make it at least once in a fortnight?.

Let’s move on to what’s bothering me now. Last year, when I was in 11th (I’m in 12th now), I asked Mom to buy me a bunch of books that’d help me with my preparation for the 12th AISSCE Examinations….Solved question papers from the last 10 years. Those books lay waiting for me in my cupboard when we were in Saudi…well, times changed, and we had to come to India. Hyderabad, to be exact. So while we were packing, I really couldn’t bring those books along with me. Why? Because that’d be adding a lot more weight than that which was allowed on

 

Last year, when I was in 11th (I’m in 12th now), I asked Mom to buy me a bunch of books that’d help me with my preparation for the 12th AISSCE Examinations….Solved question papers from the last 10 years. Those books lay waiting for me in my cupboard when we were in Saudi…well, times changed, and we had to come to India. Hyderabad, to be exact. So while we were packing, I really couldn’t bring those books along with me. Why? Because that’d be adding a lot more weight than that which was allowed on flight. So I asked mom to send them by cargo, like she was the other stuff. I kept them where she asked me to, and left them there. Fast forward 2 months, the cargo arrives, and I procrastinate a bit, not wanting to mess with my mother’s already messy cargo packing.

I hate the way she packs. TOTALLY. She doesn’t know HOW to pack. However, I trust it’s in there somewhere, and sleep well through the night with the assurance that I’ll be able to practice those questions. Till today. You see, it’s exam time, I begin the 1st term exam from the 14th, and I really NEEDED the books to help me reassure myself that I’m well prepared. BUT I DON’T FIND THE BOOKS!

 

I’m totally ROFLing because she didn’t bring ANY of the books I loved and have a history with. I’m totally pissed. I’m on the verge of breaking something. Totally boiling over with anger.

She don’t care a damn. Heck, she didn’t even try to help me search!

I just want to give up studying and have fun. Relax. Why bother when no one cares about the amount of effort I’m trying to put and am putting?

Why should I let myself be treated as a joke?

Like I told, I’m extremely angry. So, to vent it out, I decide to search for my exercise clothing. I manage to find a few. BUT I DON’T FIND THE SHOES. Black Reeboks with a blue tick.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m VERY fed up. I wanna crack my head open and let  all the goddamn pressure out. I only wish I could do that without freaking myself out.

I have no family. No friends. No love. Even God somehow seems to be sitting and chuckling to himself at my misery.

LOL, even the fact that I’m blogging is a joke to my mother…or to anyone else in my family. If only I could, I would pack my bags and live life the way I want to in China.

Hopefully, the next time I write, I’m in a better mood.

And just for the record, I’m going running tomorrow. 4:00 am to 6:00 am.

Peace out.